I decided to join the band wagon of recovery and food related blogs of participating in the WIAW which is hosted by Jenn, click here to find out more.
What WIAW isn’t about
Comparison – Judgement – Restriction – Guilt
What WIAW is about
Celebrating one of the glorious things we all have in common: We all eat!
What I Ate Wednesday is about food and fun! It’s about making new friends, breaking out of a food rut, noting changes in your diet/lifestyle, inspiring yourself and others, embracing fruit and vegetables, nourishing your body with the foods that work for you, finding new ways to eat your favourite foods, and so. much. more. <3
Celebrate Food. Celebrate blogging. Celebrate Individuality.
[Cause over here, we like to party!]
[Cause over here, we like to party!]
Okay so now we have that out of the way, I wanted to discuss why I have decided to do this blog post. When I was relapsing I used to read a lot of WIAW and YouTube videos "what I eat in a day"; while I realise that my actions were coming from a disordered place I know that seeing normal amounts of food helped to put into perspective that what I was doing was not normal. During my relapse I realised that what I was doing wasn't right, insight can be a wonderful and painful experience kids! I also wanted to be able to participate in this blog party, but as I was restricting it would not have been appropriate to post a day of my food.
Another reason I wanted to participate in this blog party is because I know how helpful I have found it in the past to see what other people eat, disordered or not, it has helped! The difficulty is knowing there to draw the line and when it becomes unhelpful. For this reason alone, my Instagram page continues to be empty as I do not want to become obsessive about picturing and posting all my food as I have done in the past.
Anyways I digress - let me get started. I am really struggling with my intake at the moment, do not get me wrong I am eating it all, it just feels so awful, but hey that is recovery!
My eats are from the weekend - as obviously I am not able to whip out my phone and take pictures at the day program at the hospital, I doubt they would be too impressed!
Breakfast - first and most important meal of the day
So breakfast is porridge with a side of honey, banana, flaked almonds, cinnamon and some chocolate Peanut Butter Hottie. I also had a peppermint tea.
After breakfast I headed out to the local park and went for a walk, it was lovely until I whistled at this innocent sweet sausage dog. The dog approached me and started barking very loudly and then brought his whole crew of dogs - it was a life or death moment right there!
But first coffee - this quote was very true after my traumatic morning. Morning snack consisted of coffee, an apple covered in cinnamon (I think I have a slight obsession with cinnamon!) and a mixed seed carob 9 bar. I have to say the carob coated 9 bar is my favourite out of the bunch, I have only tried three so maybe I should reserve my judgment.
After morning snack I headed to my local supermarket for the food shop, food shopping still takes me a while to do. I had a bit of a breakdown in the bread aisle - it took me far too long to pick the "right" bread rolls for lunch.
So this meal was a the potentially not-bought bread roll, prawns, tzatziki and salad. This was followed by a Yeo Valley natural yoghurt and strawberries.
One thing I really struggle with during the weekends is meal times, my lunch was at 4 pm. I tend to put off meal times until it becomes really late with my need to complete tasks as I feel like I don't deserve to eat. I am trying to work on that today (Sunday), currently sitting down before lunch.
Afternoon snack is an un-pictured as I went out for a walk, but it was a freshly baked Reese's mini peanut butter cup flapjack and a latte from Starbucks. Freshly baked goods are always yum and it is definitely a bonus of recovery
So like my other and snacks this was very delayed, dinner didn't come until 8 pm. While it was late, it was very yummy. I had a Bird's Eye barbeque chicken, couscous and salad with salad cream.
R came round on Saturday night, so I forgot to take another picture of my snack. Night snack was a cup of tea followed by my other challenge for the weekend, the first being the bread roll, was a fresh cream jam doughnut! These were my favourite as a kid! R ordered food from Dominos which came with some cookies so I ate one of those too!
(A picture of the doughnut I bought from Sainsbury's)
(Picture taken from the Domino's website - I am afraid to say mine didn't look this good!)
So that is a full day of eats!
A little update, my mood is awful, all I seem to do is cry these days. I am wondering whether I can do this, I am so unhappy, I don't understand why I am so sad and just can't see a way out of any of this. I am almost weight restored now, so this isn't a symptom of malnutrition - it is all the horrible feelings which caused the relapse in the first place.
On that pretty note it is now lunch time, well it is right now at the time of me writing this!