So how was it? The patients were really nice, it was good because we seem all a similar age which is nice and it is different to an inpatient setting which I appreciate. I think I bring up being an inpatient a lot but I think it's because of where I am at now. It's like what I compare it too. I had my therapy session with A afterwards and we drew a lot of comparisons between and now. I guess like today we went to the canteen and J did a one to one lunch with me, I didn't think this was needed to be honest. So we headed off as planned and then I looked at the options for my lunch and let's just say I was very grateful for the one to one. J really helped me narrow down my choices, we picked a ham and cheese toastie. My first thought was to choose a lower calorie sandwich but I do like ham and cheese toastie, cheese is high in fat it's a well known fact but that is no reason not to eat it. I know I like this sandwich so why wouldn't I eat it. I had this with a fruit muller corner and an apple. Now this with regards to calories is a lot more than I'm used too, but do you know what I managed and I'm still here and yes I ate it all. I can't say I tasted it properly the anxiety took over and it was just a bit of a blur but it was warm and comforting. I did see the numbers I was trying consciously to not look but when the packet was on my tray I saw the bright red warning signs.
Last time I did chose easier options and at the time it worked, it got me through, but this time I want to challenge those fears and normalise my eating. I mean today is the first day and I'm not sure if this positive outlook will last, but as I said to Amanda I can't do the same thing and expect a different outcome.
After I left the unit today I spoke to my sister and went to the nail salon to have my nails done which I never do! It was spontaneous, I'm notoriously known for having horrid hands I don't have good nails and my skin is awfully dry from cleaning and washing constantly. So it was nice to treat a neglected part of my body. I'm very happy with the outcome.
I hope this is the start of something different...